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Chapter 7:  Jewde


With the wind, at its normal briskness for a spring morning, the peacefulness of the sunrise is broken with the yelling that comes out from the docks of the port town of Jewde.  The dock hands’ words were ringing loud in the minds of those who lived nearby.  The ships fastest and most prized ship in the fleet, Jewel, was within sight.  The children littered the roadways to get a glimpse of the return of the kingdoms finest knight, Sir Hudson Deacons.  

The children of the town absolutely adore this man.  They have grown up with tales of his fights with the raiders to the north when he was but a teenager.  These tales would always continue from later in life about when he was in his mid-twenties.  In those stories he was called upon and his foes were the drow that once inhabited the closest isle to the west.  Of course his side won.

When the war ended with the drow who helped were allowed to stay in the safety of the kingdom.  These drow were called Silverbringers by the locals.  These were ones who had secretly learned of Eilistraee, the goddess of the good drow, and had aided in the end of the war along with Hudson, and a young prince named Nickane.  They would assume a new lifestyle amongst the simple folk in the kingdom of Mori.

Yet omitted from the story was the effort of one brave soul, Jacynthyl Hinnocks.  The locals call him Jason because of the lack of accent to say his name properly.  The bladesinger was instrumental in finding the Eilistraee worshipers amongst the evil drow, translating the words from common tongue and coordinated the attack.  It is safe to assume that the war would have been disastrous if not for the bright wood elf.  

That was some twenty years ago, and things had changed a great deal.  Hudson’s son that was but a child during that war is now a twenty-three year old womanizer.  This had hurt the aging paladin so much.  His life was always full of order and honor.  Yet his only son, Myckel, was constantly using Hudson’s fame to gain the edge in relationships.   

Jason, although, hadn’t changed much.  Twenty years to an elf was like two years to a human, even less to Jason who no one, even his elfish peers, knew his exact age.  All his job has been is to keep things safe in this delicate area of the world.  It was also Jason’s idea for Sir Deacons to adopt an odd half-breed female child of one of the slaves that had died during the final battle for Light’s Bane.

This daughter was Hudson’s last chance at a child.  His wife was not able to conceive children easily and the birth of their son almost cost her life.  This daughter of his grew up slowly and was unusual in many ways, especially her size.  At six-foot three-inches and around two hundred and fifteen pounds, she stood taller and bigger then most of the sailors of this region.

Anna Deacons was one of the people who voiced that it was not safe to send her esteemed father off away from the kingdom with Jason.  Raiders had been pointed out in the north again by outposts along the road on this long isle.  She didn’t want to have to listen to her brother so she wanted to heading out with her father to Waterdeep.  It was the king who nixed that idea by saying she needed more training to be of help around the drow.  Anyone who knew Anna knew that it was her raw temper that was really keeping her behind.

Amongst the people who have gathered at the docks, Anna is at lease as tall as the tallest man, if not the tallest person there.  She stands nervous hoping to be the first one to see her father.  Also quietly dreaming that the Jason, savior of her life was there too while wishing that all had gone as planned.  

A set of horse hooves sounds formulate in her mind, causing her to become depressed.  Anna spins on her heels to address Myckel.  As usual he spared no lavished item when going anywhere.  He wore a bright green sir coat, his dark brown shoulder length hair shining in the morning sun and his chain armor glistened as he approached.  His stallion is groomed and he sits high on the saddle trying to make his frame look taller.  Being only five-foot eight-inches around Anna would make most men seem, and feel small.

“Well, for once you actually were late brother.  I didn’t see any half clothed women for you to chase after down here.  I don’t think I’ve seen you up this early since I was ten.”

Myckel dismounts from the horse and stares at his taller sister with disdain.  "I see you never let up do you?  Like I need your criticism.”  He brushes her hair with his hand.  “I find myself waking next to beautiful women begging to please my every wish.”  He looks past her.  “Can’t a guy have fun?  No, not around Anna Deacons.  She is that big girl that seems to stay single because she ends up fighting her boy friend because he touches her leg.”  He walks past her and looks out to the sea.  “Besides, my father will be happy to see me.  And as always, you expect him to come running up to you like some happy man when it is me who he is happy to see around.”

Anna doesn’t even atempt to reply.  

“You probably just were planning my death in your head.  Why don’t you ever respond to me?  I am only your brother by title.”

After a moment of silence between them she takes her hand and brushes her dirty blonde hair out of her face.  She is a stunning woman, with slightly pointed ears and slightly dusky skin.  She is defiantly at least half-elf.  Many has guessed of what elf and what other humanoid help spawn her.  If done in her presence, she did little less then scowl, as much as start a fight depending on what the combinations were.  Even her brother would join in and more then once her Myckel and Anna got into heavy physicality when he brought this up with her father being there to break them up.

“Since my appearance isn’t wanted here dear brother.”  Anna says while turning her back around and looking down the road.  “I plan to get a full report of what is going to be the plans when you two get back to the keep.  Have your moment you ungrateful stooge.”  

“I will tell him you were here but called away.”  He yells trying to sound a little sympathetic.  “I know he would like to know you love him, I’ll tell him for you.”

Anna just walked away knowing that if she had stayed this morning, this sibling rivalry would have not only scared the young children, it would have ruined her beloved father’s homecoming.


.      .      .      .      .      .


Spidera takes the group Demona, Dauhnae, Katarine, and Mourn to a secluded part of the home of the Despanas.  The Lady forses magic to course through her veins.  This is followed with a powerful spell emitting from her fingertips.

“There my dear soldier, I am done.”  She said with a triumphant smile across her pale face.

He replies by simply looked down at himself in embarrassment.

“It is the only way a drow like yourself would be able to blend in with the locals.”  Spidera reassured him while handing him some fitting clothes.  “It will last for only one day, so you need to be quick with your assignment.”

Demona snickered while Dauhnae shook her head in dismay.  Katarine was not only laughing, but crying.  

“I don’t believe you are doing this to him.”  Dauhnae says stoically while strumming her finger on the wall she leaned against.  “A human?”

He stood five-foot eleven-inches, handsome, yet not as good looking as he is normally.  He was pale with long dark hair.  His strength is now no longer hidden in his frame, yet he is still as agile as before.  He quickly applies the cloth, and then picks up his new armor and dresses with that.  When done, he gave a simple nod to Spidera telling her that he is ready.  He moves around the room and tests the .


“Remember Mourn, you are to go through the back ways to get to the castle area.”  Spidera emphasized witch her usual gesturing.  “You are to keep out of sight.  If my scrying devise was correct, which I know it was,” She pulls out a crystal ball.  “The Jewel should be returning this morning.  There for you are to slip into the castle with the returning group.  Remember, the princess is not to be hurt.”  She points to the wall.

Mourn nods and looks to the wall.  A dark passageway, large enough for him to step through, was there.  It was too dark for even his human sight to see through it.  He sighs, gives a look do Dauhnae for a second.  Then he steps through.

He appeared in an alleyway and looked around suspiciously.  His chest was full of butterflies as his eyes slowly adjusted to the sunlight.  It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.  As a drow, he would have been in pain.  Sunlight is the bane to his subterranean race.  To a normal drow it would burn their eyes and cause bad sunburns.  

To a traveler like Mourn, he would only have to worry a little about his skin.  He wanted to travel all his life, other then the little travel with the caravan, the lack of freedom from his house made it impossible.  He was the only good teacher the house had when it came to fighting arts.  Yet, he always wanted to pursue his magical talents more.  Being trained in the magic arts had its befits, the biggest being his eyes had already adjusted a little more because of the brightness of the candles he would use to read his spell book that is needed to memorize the spells he used.  His traveling spell book on him is made of surface fabrics and parchment.  This made him smile knowing that this would allow it not get ruined by the sunlight.  He had picked it up when he was just a young drow on one of the merchant trips he took with Katarine’s caravan.  He thought it as a cool knickknack when he purchased it.  His always encouraging mother said for him to keep it safe for he would never know when it would be useful.  Now he knew of her wisdom and smiled as he made his way around the corner getting along with his work.


.      .      .      .      .      .


Spidera turned off her crystal ball as sinister laughter came out of her evil mouth.  She spun around and hugged Katarine all of a sudden.  She then pulled away and sat in the chair at the room.

“I’ll give you two twins five minutes and I want you to go and get to the castle like I told you to.”  She said while still chuckling madly.

The twins nodded in approval.  Katarine on the other hand seemed to be missing something.  She looked to her boss and scratched her  at her scalp.

“What is so good right now?”  Katarine says with a little force in her voice.  “All we did was the beginning of the mission.  Mourn hasn’t even got there yet.”

Spidera smiles at her and sits up straight.  “Don’t you get it.  Mourn is off to die.  I had Sinneth sent to go and get a group of a gang that sympathizes with me and hire them to kill him.  Even as a deathblade, he will not survive the attack as twenty to one, impossible for him.  His spells won’t work right in sunlight and he is not used to this new body of his.”

Dauhnae hides her real thoughts as she lookes to her sister only to see a positive nod from her.
  
“So this whole thing with the Despanas was for you to get that bloody sword?”  Katarine says with a authoritarian voice.

This put Demona on edge.  She reaches for her sword only to have Spidera wave her off.

“One second, go to your work, I’ll handle this ok?”

“Yes spider princess, may this be our queen’s most triumphant day.” Demona says while doing a sweeping bow.

Both of the Darkmares quickly head through the portal with a full shroud into the shadows of the ally way.  They duck to the opposite way of where Mourn went to get on their way to the rendezvous with Sinneth.

Spidera stared at the short female drow with a disdained look on her face.  “You want to know what this is all about, fine.”  She motions Katarine to sit.  “This sword is ancient.”

Katarine sits down and looks at her funny.  “I would believe no sword would be worth this much trouble.”

Spidera produces a disturbing laugh.  “It was created by the long ago chosen on Talos, the human god of destruction.  He made the Lightning Sword in an effort to have a massive destructive sword.  When he was finished, his god told him to use it as a beacon of great power.  Hence the lightning name.  He captured a powerful mage and trapped her soul inside it.  The female mage in return, killed the priest in her dieing breath.  For one thousand years the sword had laid dormant after its last user died at the hands of an elfish bladesinger.”  Spidera then sighs.  “If he was to find this sword, he’d know exactly what the sword is if he saw it.”

“Is this bladesinger’s name Jacynthyl Hinnocks?”  Katarine asks with a wicked look in her eyes.

“If my memory serves me correct, it wasn’t him but his cousin, Sarrah Hinnocks.  But she was transformed into a sylph after this so she could protect the sword in a temple to Mystra.”

“If what you are saying is correct, Mourn was never in the plans to be part of the Assassination.”

“Finally you are starting to think my good lady.  If Mourn dies, I can claim the sword as my own and use it to its potential because I am an arcane magic user.  All of the previous users were priests.”

“And because the sword was made out of the power of an arcane caster.”  Katarine interrupts.  She then realizes what she did and looks at Spidera and smiles.  “Sorry I,”

“Is it ok that I would finish your line?” Spidera interrupts back. She pulls out a bottle of wine and on corks it.  She pours both of them a glass of its purple innards.  “I am the ideal wielder of the Lightning Sword’s power.”


.      .      .      .      .      .


The ropes were cast out of the clippers’ deck to the dockhands.  The people in the area cheered in joy as the gangplank was tossed down allowing the travelers to leave the boat.  The crowd saw who they had hoped to see.

“Hudson!”  Some of the teenagers yelled in unison out as the noble paladin started to step onto the plank.

“Out of the way!” produced a yelling voice behind him causing Hudson to pull his foot back.

“Ok Jason, you need off the boat the most.”  Sir Deacons replied with a chuckle to his wood elf companion’s plead.  “But I thought you loved boats?”

He knew this elf didn't take sarcasm well.  He knew the Jason loved the water.  Though even a guy like Jason would be a little yearning for the touch of land after a long travel.  The water was choppy and the weather wasn’t good.  Being from a port town suited a travel like that more the for his good friend.  

A form jumped over Jason and vaulted the shoulders of the huge paladin.  “I am just going past you two.  A woman needs a bath quickly when she had been on a boat this long”.

Surprisingly, Allana was more help then she had to be on the ship.  Hudson saw quality in her work.  It was as if everything she did was to prove him that she was worthy of being here.  And for that he was more then grateful.  But even that seemed forced.  He had enough years under his belt to know that she was not everything she claimed to be.

“Move! Damn it Hudson!  I want off this forsaken boat.”  Jason says as he pushes his way past Hudson.  He ran past the waiting Allana, to the edge of the dock.  There he ran to a tree and went about hugging and kissing the large trunk of the oak.  “Land at last!”

The gallery of people laughed as they turned their attention back to the Hudson as he slowly walked through the crowd.  People patted him on the shoulder as he shook hands of all of those who offered him their hands and hugged those who offered an embrace.

Allana simply smiled warmly.  The paladin deserved this moment because from what she has seen of him, he was no phony.  She inched her way all the way through the crowd, following the man to where now a troop of soldiers were waiting for him.

When she finally has made her way through the crowd, she sees Myckel dismounting his horse.  The father and son start shaking hands as Hudson kept looking for something amongst the group of people who had gathered.

“Is something the bother dad?”  Myckel asks while trying to gain his father’s attention.  “If you are looking for Anna, she left for a summons.  Maybe we can catch up to her on the way.  She left no more the a half an hour ago.”

“My son,” Hudson whispers while putting an arm around the shorter man.  “I know you pissed her off.  My daughter is known for being late to summons because she has her mind made on doing something.”

“I didn’t mean to scare her off,” Myckel replied trying to explain.

“No bother explaining.”  He pulled his arm from around his son and mounted on his horse.  “Today is a day of fun.  We have a guest to introduce to our majesty.  Mychel, Allana Maemorth.”

Myckel turned to the short female drow and drew a wide smile at her.  “I see even drow females can be gorgeous.”  He extends his hand out at her.  “Myckel Deacons, I am pleased to meet you.”

She shakes his head.  “I am not a stupid floozy.”  Allana walks past him and claims one of the extra horses.

“Jason, are you going to join us or not?”  Hudson says with a hint of ridicule in his voice.

Jason shakes his head as he comes to join the group and mounts his horse.  “I hadn’t seen one in seven months sir.  Besides, no disrespect to you Allana, but our trip was a total failure.  We were there for help from Waterdeep, and instead we got one person.”

Allana breaks into an open laugh.  “I am a monk sir, I am as good as an army.”

“And I am a bladesinger; we are considered one elf armies.”  Jason says with a small smile developing from his lips.  “Damn it Hudson, hanging around you humans is making me loosen up too much.  I’m losing my sensibility.”

“Good,”  Allana interrupts with a wider smile then the one Jason shows.  For a while there when I first met you, I was under the assumption that you had a tree for your lover.”  

Jason pulls a leaf out of his hair.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”


.      .      .      .      .      .


Anna was always nervous when walking through this part of town.  It wasn’t as though she wasn’t safe; it is just that it was a place that could break out at any time.  She was told by a friend to come here.It was poor, and rundown.  To Anna though, this place was easy for her to walk through.  No one ever bothered her and she seemed to get respect here from the merchants.  As rough as she really is, they seemed to always have a moment to talk with her and exchange information from each other.  Anna knew that one day she would be amongst those who worked with capturing people for their crimes and gaining contacts was the easiest way she would be able to do this.

As she left the fruit stand with a pear in hand and some information about a couple of the newer faces on the crime scene, Anna walked down a road whistling a tune.   After hearing a sound of ringing blades, instincts cause her to look down an alleyway.  There was what looked like a mugging going on.  Five, maybe six on one and the guy seemed to be fending them off the best she could.  But something was different with this guy; he seemed not to be like the rest.  He seemed too refined to be a street urchin.

She faced the fight and yelled out in a panic, "in the name of the crown! Off of this man!”  She was bluffing, and she knew that she’d need them to recognize her for this to work.

One of them nailed this human across the head sending him into a daze stumbling.  But to this man’s luck, he staggered in between two of the men and to an open area to run.  When he realized he was in the clear he bolted to towards this woman.

Anna unsheathed her great sword, a two-handed monster of a weapon with a three-and-a-half inch thick blade and smooth craft.  She crouched low as he ran behind her.

“Are you able to still fight?”  Anna asked in a hurry.

“I,” after a groan, the man falls to the ground.

“Shit!”  Anna then looks to the group of men slowly walking her way.

They make a line about fifteen feet from her.  “We do not want any trouble Lady Deacons.”  One of the men says as he steps out in front.  “He is of no concern of you.  He stole a sword from us and now he must pay.”

Anna thought hard as she tried to think hard as she knew the face of the man.  “You, I know you.”  

“He is wanted for three murders.”  The man pleaded at the tall woman.

“You are stalling.”  She said with a boom in her hard voice.

Doors could be heard being slammed shut by those who did not want to be witnesses to this.  She gazed quickly over her shoulder and saw three others acting interested in this encounter.

She knew she was out numbered and in this situation there was only one thing the woman could do.  She placed her sword back in the sheath on her back and put her arms out wide.

“I am not here to die.  I just want this man to live.  How about I give you his sword?”

The man mused over the thought.  “We have orders to bring his head back to out informant.  Either you walk away now or we are forced to have fun with you my tall…”

Anna produced a crossbow off of her back and aimed quickly at the man.  “How about this, I not waste the bolt in this here crossbow, and you live.”

The man gulped.  He knew who this is.  She was rumored to be as good with the crossbow as with her sword.  Anna was no pushover and he should have seen this coming.  

The body started stirring as the male returned to consciousness.  “Son of a Moon elf,” the man says as he slowly stands up from the ground.  He looks up to the sky to find that clouds were forming over the sky causing the sun to disappear.  “I see we are about to gain a fair light here.”

“Anna is my name, and can you run?”  She starts to bolt towards the main road.

"I guess I am about to find out."  The victim  follows as they can hear the sound of a call for reinforcements.  Footsteps are head from the group behind them.  

“I took out two of them.”  He says while trying to keep up with the taller woman.  “One of the dumb ones said something about being around twenty in their group.  Their fighting skills, they are not that refined.”

Anna nods.  “This way, it’s a short cut.”

She ducks around the corner into a small ally way that lead through a merchants way fence.  With the man following her, they duck around another corner into a blind rights turn.  Anna takes the time to bust down the wooden door and leads them into the main road that connected the port to downtown.  Instead of finding a clear area to bolt into a full run, they see five men standing in a row. They quickly raised their arms up with crossbows in their hands.  

The male quickly backtracks through the busted door as he hears the twine of the crossbows go off.  He quickly reaches out and pulls with all his strength at Anna as he gains his footing.

As he tries to get her back through the door hears Anna scream as the sound of the bolts hit the wall.  He bites his lip and jumps around the corner to find a bolt trough her right shoulder and her pinning the helpless woman to the wall.  The men drop their crossbows and pulls swords out as the sound of the group coming around the corner of the main exit of the district approach.  He quickly pulls out his sword and gets into a defensive posture.  

~You were set up Mourn.  I am wanted by her.  I couldn’t tell you till we were free from her.  The guy who had me before Hayven’s group had captured me, was to deliver me to her.  As long as you live, she is going to want you dead.  You must save this woman if you wish your life to be safe. ~

He stands his ground in front of the injured woman.  “Are you injured Anna?”

“No, I will live."  She grunts out with tears in her eyes.  "What is your plan?”

The rest of the group of surround them as the leader once again steps forward.  “You are lucky, Despana.  "bolts are not cheap.  It we had more you both would have been dead.  Now, if you surrender to us I will let you have the satisfaction of knowing you saved her life.”

~Hold me out.  Now!. ~

~What? ~

~Now is not the time to argue, aim my tip at him and think of lightning, I am the Lightning Sword for a reason. ~

Mourn held out the sword and aimed it at the man.  A Large bolt of lightning came forth from the blade right at the leader, also hitting the guys right behind him and the two men next to that man.  It even hit the three men in rank right behind that row.  The seven men fell into a heap with only the leader alive.  

Even with seven down. It still left eleven there in front of him, odds he could not overcome with out his magic.  His spells were away from him.  When he was knocked unconscious, the spells went from his memory.  All Mourn had left was his wit.

“Do you guys want a reward for this?”  He waved the sword back and forth causing the gang of men to jump in different directions to keep out of its way.  “Or, do you guys want to die!”

The sound off hoofs was foreign to the man; he had never heard them before.  He jumped back and almost into Anna.

“Father !"  Anna screams.  "Its ok, it’s my father.”  She assures him.  “Just stand here guarding me and he won’t attack you.  What ever you have done with that weapon, it has cause you to save my life.  I am in your debt.”

The gang was spooked and the knight and his soldiers were on top of them.  A full rank of horse back riders used their lances in the first wave.  It was an easy shot the scared men.

Allana jumped from her horse and grabs one of the men.  She then kneed him in the groin followed by a standing headlock.  She then jumps up and wraps her arms around the man’s chest.  After that she pulls her legs downwards causing a snap in his neck.  The whole action lasted about four seconds.

Jason smoothly dismounted from his horse and with a quick sidestep he a violently sent three counter-thrusts.  Then he steps forward and in his next movement causes the man to stumble backwards right into the wrath of Hudson’s sword.

The remaining of the gang start to yell at each other and yell for a retreat, they turn tail and start to run, only to be given chase by the rest of the guards in a hot pursuit.   This gives Mourn a moment to relax and drop his sword down from full extension.

Hudson runs over and grasps Anna in a soft hug.  “How bad is it Anna?”  He pulls away to evaluate the wound.

“Father, if I may say so, I would be better when you remove the damn bolt and heal my arse.”

Hudson holds the woman still as Jason cuts with his sword at the bolt cutting the bolts barb head of the bolt free from the wall, and then he removes the bolt from her body gently.  Hudson then uses his paladin healing ability called “Lay on Hands.  They embrace in a hug as the tall woman regains feeing in her right arm.

“We are even.”  Mourn interrupts the embrace bluntly.  “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have been here.”  He pulls out a cloth and wipes his sword off of the blood that had gathered over the fight.  Then he sheathes it, drops the cloth, and smiles in their direction.

Anna chuckles.  “And you saved me twice good sir.  I hate to say it but when you pulled me toward the end of the wall, four bolts missed me because of it.  And that thing you did with your sword, however you did it, it saved us both.”  

She walks up and embraces the man.  “I would not have been mad at you for running for your life at that moment.”  She says while a tear trickles down her cheek.  “You probably would have got away.”

After a moment of hugging him she pulls away.  Hudson reaches out to him and extends his hand to shake his hand.  Mourn didn’t know what to do.  He looked around and saw a couple of men shaking hands at the wrist saying to each other that they did a good job.  He imitates the men and looks into the paladin’s eyes.

“You have a paramount of respect for you young man.”  Hudson says with a wide smile on his face.  “I am Sir Hudson Robinson Deacons.  You already met my lovely daughter Anna.”  

“Stop with the introductions at this moment!”  Allana yelled from about ten feet away.  “We have a survivor, and it seems like he is someone of importance.”

Mourn’s eyes became as big as a large spider as he looked in the direction of the kneeling female drow monk.  

~Tatreane, she’s a drow. ~

~No kidding Mourn. ~

Hudson kneels down and grabs the man.  “I can sense evil, and you are the only evil man I see around here.  What is this all about?”

~Ok?  Wouldn’t I be evil to him milady? ~

~Mourn, you are not evil, nor are you good.  You have a lot to learn if you plan to survive here.  First of all, everything you know is wrong. ~

“Sinneth hired us to kill this human and return a stolen sword that he posseses.”

“Sinneth?”  Jason said aloud as everyone that knew the name in the area looked around wondering.  “He was banished five years ago for sympathizing over the former queen.”

Jason then examined the wounds that the man has.  “I see this man is a mage as well.”

Mourn gulped as Jason walked over slowly over to him.  Jason seemed suspicious and like usual the elf wasn’t good at hiding his intentions, or mood.  An angry stare sized up the human.

“I am not an individual who is impressed so easily.”  Jason states with a dry wit from the tone.  “I am Jason Hinnocks.”

~Easy Mourn, he is on your side. ~

~But he is my enemy. ~

~And if he is, he’ll show his intensions later.  Use your etiquette.  He just helped save your life. ~

“I see you have done well.”  Jason continues.  “We will see how well you use spells in time.  But for now, enjoy your moment.  I’ll ask about you more when we get to the castle.”

Hudson nods as he motions everyone to their horses.  “Ok everyone, mount up.  Lets escort these two to the castle.”

Anna smiles at the man.  “May I at lease know your name?”

“Yes my tall fighter, I am Mourn.”


.      .      .      .      .      .


Nadelyne slowly walks into the throne room and looks at her mother.  

“Mother Matron Despana may I have a private moment with you?”  She says in a somber tone.

The Matron nods as she stands and walks her daughter to her own chambers.  “Are you alright daughter?  You are never this unemotional.  What may I help you with?”

“I over heard what Lolth’s chosen had planned by accident.  I never was able to talk to her.”

Zestra looks at Nadelyne.  “And what have you learned?”

“They plan to kill Mourn.  He was never to be part of the attack.”

Zestra looks away from her. “You know this could be bad for you.  She is your superior.”

“I know, but it’s because of the sword you had him keep.  She is mad,  no crazy, over it.”  Nadelyne tries to explain.

Zestra shakes her head.  “My son is in trouble because of me.  I should be the one to die not him. “

“You feel guilt?  Why?”

“You see my dear daughter; he is a lot like me.  We both are smart; both have talent and use magic.  There are only two things that I know about him that are better then what I can do.  He is stronger, and,” She turns back to look at her daughter.  This time she has a serious tone.  “If I know him as well as I know myself, he will someday be able to be whatever he wants.  He is as independent as a he can be.”

“So we do nothing?”

“Oh no, we will,” The matron says as she turns towards her grand bad.  She takes a moment to remove her robe as she heads onto the bed.  “But revenge is something we Despanas wait on.  I take it we are going to need to find some trainable people in this house soon.”

“Why do we need to do that Matron?”  Nadelyne says with an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

Zestra pulls up in her underclothes and looks at her daughter with a wicked yet playful smile.  “Simple High Priestess Nadelyne, we are not going to take being lied to by anyone, even if they are related to Lolth.”
©2006-2009 ~JasonHinnocks
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Submitted: February 25, 2006
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Ok.. I normally do one chapter ever 3 or so weeks... I hope u like it... and as always.. plz leave a comment when u want
[x]

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Comments


Ooooooh ^^ many things had to be thought over. So many different things going on at once too. This was a hard endeavor, but one that seems to have come to fruition ^^ I likes'd it :D

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The boy stopped,turning everso to say over his should,"Man was never meant to do many things,paramount being flight.The difference between us and God's ideal is that we don't take no for an answer."With that,hecontinued to walk into the intangible unknown
Ooooooh ^^ many things had to be thought over. So many different things going on at once too. This was a hard endeavor, but one that seems to have come to fruition ^^ I likes'd it :D

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The boy stopped,turning everso to say over his should,"Man was never meant to do many things,paramount being flight.The difference between us and God's ideal is that we don't take no for an answer."With that,hecontinued to walk into the intangible unknown
very nice! can't wait for more

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There's only a few true vampires and no Cullens are on that list. Besides, Jareth the Goblin King is the only one who can pull off OMGMANSPARKLES!!! and still be considered believably wicked.
why thank you milady... I just hope I am not introducing too many characters

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Kupo!

-Mog
The only thing is that Allana and Anna or Jason Hinnocks ect got me mixed a couple times :blush:
Other than that, the characters are pretty different. To separate them out more, you could tell about a certain bunch of characters one chapter and another bunch another chapter instead of taking about both in one chapter, though the way you're doing it suggests that your way is just fine right now, but you should think about it in the future if you plan on adding more characters so you can keep your readers on the same train of thought :D Wow, I talk too much ^^ Just ignore what I said if it sounds stupid, kay?

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The boy stopped,turning everso to say over his should,"Man was never meant to do many things,paramount being flight.The difference between us and God's ideal is that we don't take no for an answer."With that,hecontinued to walk into the intangible unknown
Loving all the dialogue, I think it give us more of an idea of who the characters are, thier different types of humour and thier moods and such... and on the matter of the introduction of Hudson, Anna and Myckel, I think you did well, but because Anna and Allana are often mentioned within the same statetment and the names are alike, it gets confusing... just a little though :P

"or he wouldn't be part of this story" that sounds a little desperate and confused me for a moment... thought you meant YOUR story, not the one that was being told at the time... I don't know, I mean, i comprehended it eventually, but prehaps ther eis a better way to say that. LIke 'or he wouldn't be here today' or something like that.
The children of the town absolutely adore this man. They have grown up with tales of his fights with the raiders to the north when he was but a teenager. These tales would always continue from later in life about when he was in his mid-twenties. In those stories he was called upon and his foes were the drow that once inhabited the closest isle to the west. Of course his side won or he wouldn’t be part of this story.

Ummmm I didn't know crystal balls were turned on and off, i thought it was more of a vision summoned by spell or something... but then again I'm not a fantasy reader generally... I'm sure theres things i don't know.
Spidera turned off her crystal ball as sinister laughter came out of her evil mouth. She spun around and hugged Katarine all of a sudden. She then pulled away and sat in the chair at the room.

I don't think the line 'Hence the lightning name' is nessasary, seems like Spidera is wasting her breath in saying it rather then sticking to the point. 'He made the Lightning Sword in an effort to have a massive destructive sword' why now say 'in an effort to create something powerful and destructive' I just don't think it sounds that great the way it is.... also there is a few typos in this paragraph, but again there is a few threw-out the chapter.
Spidera produces a disturbing laugh. “It was created by the long ago chosen on Talos, the human god of destruction. He made the Lightning Sword in an effort to have a massive destructive sword. When he was finished, his god told him to use it as a beacon of great power. Hence the lightning name. He captured a powerful mage and trapped her soul inside it. The female mage in return, killed the priest in her dieing breath. For one thousand years the sword had laid dormant after its last user died at the hands of an elfish bladesinger.” Spidera then sighs. “If he was to find this sword, he’d know exactly what the sword is if he saw it.”


This kinda lost me for a moment, mostly due to the missing punctuation after 'interrypts back' ALso the 'SHe says' isn't nessasary as you've already said 'interrupts back' to descripe her statement. and 'Contents' rather then 'innnards' for the drink would sound less.... disgusting :P
“Is it ok that I would finish your line?” Spidera interrupts backShe says as she pulls out a bottle of wine and on corks it. She pours both of them a glass of its purple innards. “I am the ideal wielder of the Lightning Sword’s power.”

:giggle: I thought this was amusing, LOVED it :)
“Move, damn it Hudson, I want off this forsaken boat.” Jason says as he pushes his way past Hudson. He ran past the waiting Allana, to the edge of the dock. There he ran to a tree and went about hugging and kissing the large trunk of the oak. “LAND AT LAST!”

Perhaps try removing 'finally' it just makes the statement sound wrong. Other then that that whole section of this chapter was my favourite, I'm really enjoying the character Anna, she seems cute, even with her 'big'ness and just how glad and excited they all were to get off Jewel... it was amusing and cute, a different side of your characters that hasen't been seen anywhere else in the story or in any of the other characters for that matter.
When she finally has made her way through the crowd, she sees Myckel dismounting his horse.

WHy not say 'The gang was spooked and scared men are an easy shot' rather then adding the 'easy shot' statement at the end, I think it kinda ruins the emphisis of the soldiers actions.
The gang was spooked, before anything more could be done, the knight and his soldiers were on top of them. A full rank of horse back riders used their lances in the first wave. It was an easy shot the scared men.

Is there any other word for 'bolt' because you used it 4times in the first sentence... or you could just as 'it' perhaps... I don't know, it just didn't sound right reading bolt again and again.
Hudson holds the woman still as Jason cuts with his sword at the bolt cutting the bolts barb head of the bolt free from the wall, and then he removes the bolt from her body gently. Hudson then uses his paladin healing ability called “Lay on Hands” and heals her right up. They embrace in a hug as the tall woman regains feeing in her right arm.

I love Zestras strength.... as much as men are not superior and such.... there is still a lot of love for him within his family... .though I spose being lied to helps, no one likes being lied to ;P

And that's my lovely lengthy piece of critisim for this chapter... hope I was helpful, again sorry for the wait on me reading this, I really enjoyed this chapter... Anna, Allana and Jason are intriquing me, I look forward to learning more about then. Well done again Mark :hug:

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I'd Rather Be A Freak Then A Sheep.

Freedom; Another Way Of Saying Death.

~DevilsStock ~DAIntoxicated

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